that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
