Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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