Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
