I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
high people should be assigned attendants
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
