We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
