remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
