Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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