im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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