im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
