I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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