it hurts more in the daytime
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
