i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
