didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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