Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
