forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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