I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
