Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
