I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i dont even know how to be here
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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