Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
