ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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