They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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