I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
