I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
