oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
