Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
