every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
