i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
