My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
