She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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