I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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