I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
