The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
