I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
