Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
