i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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