woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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