She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drunk is not a location!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
