She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
