I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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