I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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