its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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