All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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