Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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