Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
