The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just puked most of my soul out..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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