how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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