Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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