I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
