OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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