Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
