so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
sarcasm needs its own font
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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