i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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